My Dairy Book

Take Charges Of The Changes

2010-06-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

you see how I made on the topic," Take charges of the changes." What that mean ? Let me explain to you, see how you go with your friends for long time as you known them very well. Impact of a life you gets in a day not as everyday you seen in your lifetime. When you knock the door and get your respond from the person at the door saying," Stay Away From Me , We Are Not A Friends Any More " and door got shuttled front your face without you saying hello to the person.

That is how you know the person for long time and you felt something is all right but the person isn't... Suddenly everything blur and confusing, emotional in the moment. How it feel not to be acceptable. Why you got rejected by your longer friend that you known for almost all your life nor 3 years about. You begin to ride on the roller coaster and your stomach begin to knots and your throat gets tight. It is like your feelings got hurt real badly.

You don't know how to face them , how to speak them with your truth words indeed you writing a papers but words flying off and you couldn't get it back and you spoke that not what you want to said in your mind. Could be calling the lying.

Things you thinking about your friends for long time and every night you sleep and dream about your friend as it kept repeated and it get real annoying. How you can solution to solve it and live a life better than having a heart breaking for long time probably it is better for you to learn how hard way it impact in your life and teach you a lesson but to make you a better person. They couldn't accept you then you don't need them as your friend until they come to you and apologize if they do anything wrong to you. You gets blessed if you don't said anything back to them if they did say something rude to you.

Sharing with you through writing a diary book is best experiences that anyone who been through there and step in same shoes. I been one of the person as the victim that got heart broken and lost a two friends that I real miss the most but I wouldn't not forget the good memories. But the part which I don't necessary to remember all I do is forget and forgive and keep walking, I can make new friends farther in my life of the ahead and keep going. Not falling back like I did in my young ages. Everyone learning so am I.

This world isn't perfect and most important to remember, do you think the world we are living in as you see people could love you, well not whole you can sense or see it. In world we are living in and breathing the air we are sharing that counts we could get hurt by another and people can use their word hate to against you even me. But we will get bless which we don't say anything but to be accept and become humble. We will stand and do something in our life than worrying about another hurting you. They can hurt you everyday sometimes not. But you all do is listen then let them walk away. Don't hold them back , if you do.. You can make things in your life in the worse.

Now it is a time for who in the shoe takes a charge of the change meaning, We move on and forgive ourselves as for another. When we makes the mistake, we change, even for another see you the different they might come back or maybe not... We have a life to keep going and not look back. That is what taking charges of the changes worth it.

God bless you and with all the love,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Shopping And Outside Is Sunny Day

2010-06-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I went out shopping and get whole food pretty much good ones make me want to eat whole, I am just kidding. I wonder if you know that how it feel like to shopping a food list during a pretty day outside with a warmth sunny. It sure a nicest to go out in right time ! Yesterday was a day of the little storm and wasn't fun to watch. At least I got a right day to go out on next day which is today !

I been complicating about breast sore, it been starting since yesterday, I cannot believe my period only last two days then stopped flowing and cleared up. I think as myself as pregnancy but is it possible because I already has a tubal ligation. Meaning permanent birth control as prevent from getting pregnant. But this one is a miracle meaning a reason if I really am ? On Monday I am going to call Doctor and take a test , see if it is a notice of pregnancy or any risk. I am forwarding a positive news I want to hear such as GOOD NEWS that I want to hear. I never like a bad news , if left me no choices then I have to hear than being sorry myself on the health.

So that would be all for whole day. Am going to make a blog in Historic Scripts about Wyatt Earp which I am watching movie that I rented from Netflix. I finished watched Tombstone which I finished researching on it. Now next is Wyatt Earp and going to watch film about him and things such as Historic I am interested in. Probably lead me to fall asleep, hopefully I drinks fill of a energy out of the mug and make me stay awake to watch the movie. Again I am being silly.

What a day and with all my love,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

What A Day Found Real Interesting

2010-06-05T01:51:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody ,

It is a night and I am in the west hour. What a day I find real interesting... I find some researching about my family in the history you can see on my another blog. Title of the Blog says Historic Scripts. I am surprised that I am part of Asian...

Being Asian is like I look through the mirror and see myself as unique. I knew my grandmother were right that I am not anybody but me , myself, Edith Rose Mia Bortz as who I am. I just felt amazed about it.

And today I went on the internet and somehow it came so boring with the website . I don't want to go there which I don't want go around it after all made it lost my interests. I am not sure if you know the website called ASL ROCKS. It is sure out of bounces of the sense. They kept talking about DEAFHOODs and things like that, and a person, I heard about. He made a website shut down several times. As I find his life as interesting. I don't want to meet him because way he put a life in sickness himself. I don't want my children to meet him neither. He makes a video and making a stories and I don't care about, What else website I can find to fit. I only fits in to talk about and anything to feel like a belong. Not like a wondering off sheep.

I don't like a people who are such as followers to a human like being told or being favoritism, such as people who against their own same side they come from. For example: Deaf against their own same culture but reject people who are in the public openly social life that what makes them Closed Sociality Group that don't want to welcome oral-ism, reader lips, family who have hearing children, Nor more like cochlear implanted and more openly in the discuss. They making their group look like closed Society. That makes real sad of story they made their self harm in the hands. But what cause them like this , Something cause them scared of openly world that abused their values ?

Out there is million divides of reason they makes own group of their choices. I see out there people makes their group like their colors of their life meaning as human but they forgot what out there they real missed out about the general.

That pretty much I have lot to share with but I have to cut the writing on the blog and get ready for bed. I wouldn't stay up late because I have a children to take care in the ahead of new day tomorrow. It would be nice for me to share with you more but I am sure you understand what I am trying my best to explain and share with you.

I would call it a Good Night and with all my love,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Calling Me A Fake , What Are You ?

2010-06-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Again, I'd like to add what I learned about... About fake character as mulpilation personal people think of me. I am applicate with people trying face me as their theory to tell truth but I have my reason to stead to stand my safety. My rights of life people try to take my free expression what I want to said in any places.

My previews as how people treat another in most likely Deaf hood is not where I want to be. They tend to be comparing as closed society and high of hate crimes. That what I don't want to go there and get hurt everyday. Not what I wait for my time to be over with. I set my boot on and walk away out of it and tell everyone what I want to said, I have my life, I have my decision to make, I have my words to face with everyone if they don't like it. They think I am like a apple pies like they treat cowboys like it. For me I don't like way people treat them as well. I read a friend's blog about how people think of cowboys as apple pies. I am not surprise because I felt like they treat me like it. And who treating me worse meaning they are not friend or belongs to me in the circle. Like I say, I don't take a mad cows in but to closed them away because it is my choice.

Calling me a fake character as person. If you think I am then why talk to me right here and breath a stink air you standing here staring at my face. Thinking of me as not tough as you think I am. Welcome to the town and meet the center you would want make a war with me. Welcome and you ready to make a gun point. Let's see who make the score. If you think you know what I am talking about ? Don't talk if you don't know what the point I am talking about a word I mean it.

Thank you and with all love ,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Feeling Hurt From Inside...

2010-06-03T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hello Everybody,

Know what happened to me, A bad luck came over me as whelm... I felt sick in the morning almost vomit and twice in the evening after I woke up from the nap. How oddly is this ? And I got feeling hurt when round people surrounding me as my name saying they don't know me or having guts that they familiar with me but call me as fake. They really don't care but to care see people suffer that I felt like what people treat me like it.

That mean I am very sensitive to feel the cruel behavior if people speak me and I feel want to speak but I cannot which my mind try to take over and I couldn't let it take over my angry. I am telling you it is hard to hold it without spilling a trouble to make.

Things aren't good today seriously not for me. This is like leading me as Good Luck , April that how I feel in the show people watching me but to torn in a pain is not fun. I already know how many people within a demons are pleasuring this moment. I don't .

Real soon I am going to watch some news and have some taco salad and bread to dip in some good sauces. I am not sure what to watch some movies which I am going to check out on the netflix and see what coming up in the mail to come so I can watch and sit back to rest.

Also I don't like my muscle getting bit harder to move which I see that my medicine don't help much. I have to tell my doctor about it and it is new to me. Hopeful it is not a symptoms or warning symptoms. I am thinking positive and have faith in myself to stay motive. I cannot believe this month already turn out as June .

June 8th is my dentist appointment and get it done with. Then I can go alone get over with. I don't like going out much to get things around indeed I like stay in bed all day and rest to get catch my energy to boost up back in . I know it sound depressing but really it usual a dull emotion I got in by days is really not such as fun but overtired I ever felt like as in body I couldn't want to do any duties but to rest and not want to move after all. Thank you for reading my blog.

With all the love,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Storm Cause Humidity

2010-06-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I really busy and cause my mood up and down as swing... Storm really hits pretty much raining outside and not much of cooler in June. High humidity came from East to West that how I feel ! It really does affected my mood and couldn't want to do anything such as duty I has to do but I had do it anyway because I couldn't like live in a pig pen. So I have to rush into the appointment and kept house cleaning as my husband and my daughters helped me pretty much. Outside really not helpful of our moods to do greatest of our life during the day as raining outside we felt like it is hopeless for kids to play outside indeed we had to stay inside longer. How bummer it is.

I ordered two taco salad and it taste really good and ate pretty much out of the bowl. It is my last of taste to have those well meal. can't wait to begin my shopping for the amounts of the foods on 5th. Tomorrow hopefully I don't forget doing the food list to write on and done my clothes folding and do some chores and taking my second girl to the doctor for check up. It will be a busiest day for me to do something and forward a weather to be pretty so farther I can take garbage out. That would be all Thank you !

With all the love ,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Happy Memorial Day

2010-05-31T20:11:00.001-07:00

The day of my life seem pretty much nice to have kind of relaxing and watching movie called," We Were Soldiers" And eating a good meal and having good bocks in the system to feel a buzzed and howdy let's have fun !

Hee-Haw, Riding a horse is blast in the wind like you are talking to it. Happy Memorial Day to you all. Adios!

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Taste The Medicine

2010-05-31T02:13:00.000-07:00

You see some people in public saying about Taste The Medicine meaning, the painful issues like, when I've made my own point when I was young round 23 years old at the begin of pregnancy in the earlier weeks. I made a huge mistake of death post on the myspace website. Almost everyone of people gets bitter or angry with me, half of people forgives me but some goes away and don't want to talk to me after the last I done it.

Reason of it which I experienced when someone hurt by wanting the hatred to come and I did took the risk of losing friends but I am not worried about " FRIENDS " because do they understand my solutions of life issues between relationship suffering ? Do they would accept my feelings that I need to talk with. Do they accept way I go through without judging my choices. Well I don't get those respect in these days. Lot of them goes after the choice of ignoring me or put a worse negative on me. I let them be and I leave it be and go through years. I was obsessive about it and decided to leave it out to God and have the Lord take care of it for me.

First I remember of pain is when I was between 7 months pregnant or primarily 6 months about. A person abandons me to have a visiting and enjoying the days of lies, leaving me with my mother for two days crying in my bed and have several contractions and didn't go to hospital my emotion been through roller coaster but worse.

After the divorce, I been there worses than false death post, what the difference from having a own mother that births you to support a person turn against you and cherish a person better but no word you hear is a love. I found it a worse feeling I felt is alone. I knew what my mother want is a son not a daughter. I would tell her to abandon me as baby but she never did because of what I felt...

I forgave her and let it go so I did, what of the thought I cannot believe is what mother did to a daughter is out of image. I never would do that to my children if anyone leaves them in pain I would support my children not their spouses. That is out of my leagues.

That what I experienced a huge medicine of my life is PAIN such as HEART BREAKING... But I gave whole my pain , my regards and such those burden I held in to the LORD and I can start a life better and it is definitely better to be walking light. If I don't give to the Lord then I won't get any better.

Thank you for hearing me out,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Somebody Stranger Is Stepping On Me

2010-05-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

You know the " Strangers " meaning as, Any generals like I felt someone stepping in our freedom, our speech of life we planning for ourselves but will be taken away. I cannot believe it is coming up on our shoe real soon. Bible already spoken it Gods word and planned before it comes near to people. I see how people haven't woke up and it would be very scary when you are in the day of the unexpectedness paranoid. Like on the earth would be out of control, car accidents, airplane crashes, people was taken by the armies and many things occurring because of what the New World Order will be. Where it comes with a ideal is from the Anti-Christ, he is an marked of Beast and people don't see him as the evil but as they think he would be the," GOD " which people whom will believe he is meaning they are the lost souls.

Feeling as STEEP as STEP ON ME. Government can step on us, Our Freedom of choices we want to do, reading bibles will be taken away. Praying to God will be torn in the pain. Many things comes around of us are near to starving to death or taken in prison and drag us to be marked with the evil. If they are forbidding then you know what will be next of your death row. They will have set up a bucket on the ground and your hands are united together. Walking up the stairs and laying down your head beside the stand where the chopper will be chop your head off and then your head will be fallen in the bucket and people will take your head covered and put in the where box of the death would be taken in like you are trapped for years until the last of Anti-Christ faces then all of us will be risen of our survivor,what we experienced of the happening being as left behind.

With all the love,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

I have hope for everyone I pities who are lost in the way, I am scared too but have a faith altogether and we are standing together. God is with us <3

Wanting In My Life Real Bad

2010-05-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

When I was going start my life and for a years someone drags me out of my dream that I been trying to earn, my parents, my ex husband, my friends. I couldn't image how harder to get it come true. When I had no patient. They usual hardly come around to understand how I feel.

Some dream I really want to become as I grew up in . Being cowgirl and growing a garden, living as peacefully at the home as call it sweet home to settle. I would love to sit down on the wood rocking chair outside on the patio and drinking out of my peppermint tea with the honey. Watching kids playing and finds that rabbits looking for the food. Deer hopping to start their nesting to have fawns to be born. It like living in a country and feel the natural around me as I belong to them. Like a family with no pains and no regards in the way. No heavier on the shoulders on me.

I could riding on the horse and run forever until I feel like want to stop. And watching sunset affect the sky to change any pretty colors. And set a bonfire and make a good s'more and see a big white circle moon with a twinkling star. If I see one star falling out in the space. I'd make a true wish that I always been waiting for life to come and find me like I find them.

I feel them real close when I try to reach them. True is I am not there yet but I put my hat on and get life on it to earn it as I worked hard for it to come true.

Thank you for the inspiring of the days to Cowboys/girls <3

With all the love,

Edith Rose Mia Bortz

Raining The Words

2010-05-29T02:33:00.001-07:00

Emotional of the tears, how people can stand hurting me. When I want to do something in my dream. Why my parent stop me from doing what I really want to do in my life. There is nothing out there to courage me to do the success. Being a human but alone laying on street and people walking and kept stepping on me. I feel like people pity on me that I don't ask for.

There is what it feel like to be limited. There is no such as freedom round us as people saying America is freedom to stand to live than being under the law in another countries. Well my honest with you, we live in the America and in states we are standing on and breathing a poison air which you or me been taking a painful solutions what impacts us. Being disabled or handicapped as person they think in the health loss couldn't do anything such as success. I doubt it !

I believe they can do anything they desire to prove them a best service they can do than they see the book shows them proved wrong. I am telling you. That how it runs like how it feel like a words falling out the sky and pieces of words on me each I holds it. I bring to you and show you how I feel. And here it goes. Here it comes. Here You see as the vision.

You are in my shoes and feel and how I feel. Thank you for your time and enjoy reading this blog !

Edith Rose Mia Bortz